Versaucey Medusa Zucchini Pasta

Salad 2

A tasty dish is worth cutting a bitch.  Like Cristal Connors said, in 1995’s Showgirls, “There's always someone younger and hungrier coming down the stairs after you.”  That’s why making this dish is almost as good as getting that dress from “Versayce” (and fitting into that dress too though).

I am pasta lover.  I lived in Italy for a year and tasted the best hand crafted pastas in Tuscany!  So coming off my al-dente addiction seemed impossible.  When I was learning how to eat with less carbohydrates in my diet, I was thrilled to find that creating the texture with zucchini could be the answer to my pasta lover’s dream.

For the pasta you will need

  • 2-3 zucchini
  • 1-2 minced garlic cloves
  • 2 diced ripe tomatoes
  • ¼ cup of fresh chopped basil
  • 3 tbs olive oil
  • 1 half of a lemon
  • salt and fresh black pepper to taste
  • (some pecorino cheese flakes if you eat dairy yay!)

Instructions

Use a peeler, vegetable spiral, or julianne peeler to shred the zucchini into it’s pasta form.  Salt the “pasta” and let sit on a paper towel for a 10-15 minutes so it doesn’t come out soupy (and/or if you are impatient like me you can just squeeze excess water out with a paper towel).  You can also repeat this step with the tomatoes but sometimes I like it soupy so you can really slurp it up!

In a sauce pan, sauté the minced garlic cloves until slightly golden.

Now this recipe becomes a “Choose your own adventure”:

To add the tomatoes and basil read this:  Add the tomatoes and basil sautee lightly for 2 or 3 minutes on high.  Put the raw zucchini pasta in a mixing bowl and pour the tomato, basil, garlic sauce on to the zucchini.  Add the salt and pepper, squeeze some lemon juice and toss.

To add the zucchini read this: Add the zucchini and sautee lightly for a 2 or 3 minutes on high.  Put the cooked zucchini pasta in a mixing bowl.

To add everything read this:  Add everything and squeeze the half lemon on top.  Toss it.

All options make a refreshing and satisfying substitute for pasta!

This recipe is one of the many ways you can use zucchini as a pasta.  I would try it with this OMFG amazing recipe from one of my most favorite food officianatoes Melissa Clark.  Or send us your version in the comments section below!!!


Take Time to Eat the Flowers

You have everything on point.  Nails did, hair did, eyebrows on fleek, shoe game on fire, iced out, whip so sick.  We get it gurl.  You appreciate the finest things in life.  You want only the best things for yourself and you are always looking to upgrade!

Well baby let me upgrade you!  Plating your everyday meals with as much careful detail as you make for your Fall look might just enhance your palate and dining experience.

Does considering the presentation of a plate make the dish more tasty?  According to this psychologist, Charles Spence, co-author ofThe Perfect Meal: The Multisensory Science of Food and Diningmany factors contribute to the “perfect meal.”  The color of the food, shape of the dish, lighting, music, and even your mood will influence how your food tastes. In this NPR article, Spence says"When the plating is artistic, people tend to enjoy the food more than if the same ingredients were just dumped on the plate."

With this research in light, I suggest beautifying your dishes with flowers. Flowers are a great way to add color and an element of surprise in a dish especially if you are trying to impress dinner guests!  Flowers come in many colors that can enhance not only the visual aesthetics of a plate but also compliment a flavor as they range quite broadly in taste.  Keep in mind that not all flowers are edible so make sure you reference a list of safe flowers to eat and allergies.

Edible flowers are not always the easiest product to find in stores, (I found mine at Eataly) so in deprived edible flower supplies, you can make or grow your own.  My mother who is my culinary heroine always made beautiful flowers made of spring onions, carrots, cucumbers, and most awe-inspiring edible flower: the tomato skin rose.  They are easy and quick to make and put the finishing touches to any dish.

Even if you don’t have time to use flowers for every meal, keep in mind that eating is a multisensory endeavor so the next time you chef it up, shower your senses with some romance.  Practice by adjusting one detail:  light a candle, put on some Enya, use the nice plates and silverware you have stowed away or compose a culinary work of art!

Need a flowery inspiration? Check out my Colorful and Crunchy Watermelon Radish and Minty Orange Salad with F*ck Up Proof Shallot Vinaigrette recipe.


F*ck up Proof Shallot Vinaigrette

Whether it is that damn uneven eyeliner, or smudging your almost dry nail, or saying the wrong thing on a date, there’s nothing worse than f*cking something up. That’s why I love this Shallot Vinaigrette (and trust me it took more time for me to find out how to spell vinaigrette than it did to make this dressing). It’s so easy to make and tastes so much more fresh than store bought dressings that have so many extra sugars and additives you don’t want in your body anyway!

For the Vinaigrette

  • 2 tablespoons finely minced shallots
  • ¼ cup olive oil
  • 1 teaspoon mustard
  • 3 tablespoons apple cider vinegar
  • Optional ½ teaspoon lemon juice
  • salt and freshly ground pepper to taste

Instructions

Mix all the ingredients together with a whisk. Wasn’t that easy? You really couldn’t f*ck that one up!

Use this dressing to turn out any basic bitch salad or crudite! Or you can just make our Colorful and Crunchy Watermelon Radish and Orange Salad like the high class broad I know you are!


Colorful and Crunchy Watermelon Radish and Minty Orange Salad

Colorful and Crunchy Watermelon Radish and Minty Orange Salad with F*ck Up Proof Shallot Vinaigrette

If your friend was setting you up on a blind date with a watermelon radish, your friend would say “the watermelon radish has a great personality.”  You would see it in the supermarket and be a little disappointed by its pale green rigid skin.  But once you took it home to open it you would find one of the most beautiful and vibrant root vegetables.  This chinese daikon radish is magenta in the center with white edges, the texture is crunchy and it tastes slightly peppery and sweet.  It’s the  star of the show in this salad!

I had my first encounter with the watermelon radish at Venice Beach’s Lemonade on Abbott Kinney while taking a break from shopping for my favorite surfer chic bikinis, short shorts, and tanks at Insight 51.  I’ve been obsessed with it ever since and now you can too!

For the salad

  • 1 watermelon radish
  • 1 ripe orange
  • 1 box of microgreens
  • ⅓ cup of pepitas
  • ¼ cup fresh mint leaves

Instructions

Slice the watermelon radish with a mandoline, vegetable peeler (for long ribbons), or if you are especially skilled, with a knife into thin shavings.

Dice the orange into cute little pieces so you can get surprising little bursts of citrus in your mouth.

Mix the all the ingredients in a bowl while drizzling the vinaigrette in slowly.  Here is the recipe for the F*ck Up Proof Shallot Vinaigrette.  You will see that this salad is not any basic bitch salad.  It will dazzle any dinner guest!

Check out how to garnish this salad with some beautiful edible flowers!


Creamy Coc-o-nut and Avocado Pops

Has the summer heat got you hot and bothered?  One of the greatest pleasures to soothe the summer heat is something that melts in to a creamy, smooth, sweet, and nutritious load down your throat.  You guessed it, a  Creamy Coc-o-nut and Avocado popsicle that is!

Avocado-Popsicles

This recipe is as easy as the men in New York City.

For the popsicles you will need

  • 1 ripe avocado
  • 1 cup of coconut milk
  • ¼ cup of shredded coconut
  • 3 tablespoons of lime juice
  • lime zest
  • 2 tablespoons of honey or maple syrup
  • ½ teaspoon of salt
  • (some rum if you want to have an adult popsicle party!)

Instructions

Mix everything in a blender.

Pour the mixture in to popsicle molds.  I chose the Tovolo Jewel Pop Molds not only for having a raver ring pop nostalgia, but so that it will look like you are eating beautiful cuts of jade or limestone!

Freeze for about 5 hours or overnight.

Pop the little gems out and then suck it, lick it, and enjoy!!!


Lazy G's Guacamole

Lazy G’s Guac

This guacamole recipe is for girls, gurrrls, gyals, guys, gangstas, goths, and grandparents I suppose but mostly it’s for lazy people who love bangin’ guacamole with minimal effort. We all need a little break when it comes to cooking. This recipe is pretty much fool proof and you won’t have to worry about getting your hands stinky from chopping garlic and onions!

For the guac you will need

  • 1 ripe avocado
  • garlic granules
  • fresh black pepper
  • sea salt
  • ½ a lemon
  • (optional cayenne pepper for extra spice or smoked paprika for color)

Instructions

Mash the avocado until it gets chunky. Add the rest of the ingredients to taste. Once it is mixed thoroughly it is ready to serve! (If you feel like being a damn overachiever, just add fresh diced salsa type things like onions, jalapenos, tomatoes, cilantro. It will taste very fresh!) Perfect with our fish tacos recipe, plantain chips, fresh cut vegetables or any quick snack!


Fishy Queens Fish Tacos with Socca Tortillas

Serving Fish: Fishy Queen's Fish Tacos

Do you want to see what my fish taco looks like?  Well all you have to do is make this FISHY QUEEN'S FISH TACOS recipe!!!! Then you can really have your friends talking about how great your fish tastes!  Whew! That was one mouthful full of fish!

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I love this recipe because as complex as the textures and flavors are, it is easy to make and virtually guilt free!

We start by making our own socca tortillas which originate from Nothern Italy.

Made from garbanzo bean flour, socca tortillas are grain free, gluten free, and vegan. This is good news for ex-simple carb junkies like me who can’t get enough bread like textures!

The original recipe for the socca come from your girl, Gwyneth Paltrow’s lifestyle blog goop.com.

For the socca, you will need

  • 1 cup + 2 tablespoons garbanzo bean flour
  • 1 cup water
  • 1 tablespoon olive oil
  • salt

Instructions

Whisk together the chickpea flour, water, olive oil and a generous pinch of salt in a medium bowl. Let sit for at least 15 minutes.

(You can now start the marinade preparation for the fish)

After the batter is finished resting, heat a non-stick pan over medium high heat and add 1 teaspoon olive oil. When the pan is hot but the oil is not smoking, add about ¼ cup socca batter. The batter should immediately spread into a nice 4-6 inch pancake, but if it doesn’t, simply lift and turn the pan to help it spread out.

When the bottom is beginning to brown, and you can see tiny bubbles on the surface (about 1-2 minutes), flip the socca and cook for another 1-2 minutes on the second side. Remove to a paper towel-lined plate when cooked. Continue this process until you have used all the batter, adjusting heat and adding oil as needed. You should have 6 socca.

You are now ready to start making the taco filling! If you are vegetarian or vegan, not to worry! You can easily use this same recipe with the marinade below and substitute the fish fillets with tofu or mixed veggies.

Part of the reasons for eating a healthy lifestyle is to reduce the impact on our environment. When choosing fish and debating on farmed or wild, go to http://www.seafoodwatch.org/ for the most sustainable fish in season. I chose a wild cod from Mario Bartali’s Eataly because I’m weary about purchasing fish from unreputable sources and Eataly is known for it’s fresh foods, not to mention it is the closest fancy fish market near my house. In the city I also like getting my fish from Whole Foods and the Lobster Place at Chelsea Market.

The grilled fish recipe comes from one of my favorite food shows of ever: Alton Brown’s Good Eats. This dude knows how to do a fish right! Drown some fish in tequila and you know you’ll have a good time. In my case, I love the flavor of mezcal. The smokey flavor adds another dimension of complexity in the dish so I substituted it with the regular tequila in the original recipe:

For the marinade you will need

  • 3 cloves garlic
  • 1 cup packed cilantro leaves
  • 2 limes, zested
  • 2 teaspoons ground cumin
  • 1 1/2 teaspoons kosher salt
  • 1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
  • 1/4 cup tequila (As a substitute for the tequila, I used mezcal because it has a smokier flavor.)
  • 1 pound tilapia fillets (I used cod fillets which are much larger and need to be cut in to smaller portions)

Instructions

Put the garlic, cilantro, lime zest, cumin, salt, and pepper in a small food processor bowl and pulse until combined, approximately 20 seconds. With the processor running, add the tequila. Put the tilapia fillets into a 1 gallon resealable bag or a big bowl, add the garlic mixture and move around to coat each fillet. Set aside at room temperature for 15 to 20 minutes.

Oil a griddle or non-stick pan with olive oil. Cook the cod until just cooked through and opaque about 4 to 5 minutes per side. Some cod cuts can be quite thick so I like to break them up when serving. We all love thick cuts in our mouths but if it’s too big, then we won’t be able to fit it in our taco shells.

Now you can assemble the tacos! Place the socca tortilla on a plate, add a goop of Lazy G’s Guac, then a portion of the grilled cod. Garnish with purple cabbage for crunch or if you want a kick, add radicchio which will add a bitterness and spiciness. Like my love life, I like a lot of spiciness so I like to also add sliced jalepeno, because I can’t stay away from the latin heat. Add extra cilantro sprigs on top and place some lime wedges to the side.

And that’s it! A fish taco so delicious you’ll have them coming back for more!